Nighthawk Chronicles: Julian's Song
by Plague Angel
Summary: Julian Buhallin: mind over soul. The past of the Nighthawks' most complex member is laden with tragedy and sacrifice, and you are invited to relive the journey of survival and awakening that made him who he is today.
1. Prologue

**Nighthawk Chronicles – Julian's Song**

The 32nd Special Operations Unit, A.K.A. the Nighthawks, has within its claws the most versatile collection of warriors Clan Jade Falcon has ever wielded. Hand picked from Loremaster and Commanding Officer of the Falcon Watch, Kael Pershaw, each member has grown into their position through trial, tribulation, and acceptance of their peers. A tight-knit unit atmosphere formed as they worked behind enemy lines and abroad, collecting intelligence and thwarting enemy operations while remaining invisible. Their existence is classified, and so are their accomplishments.

One member, however, stands out from the rest. Julian Buhallin, the appointed face man of the unit deploys ahead of the rest, working on his own under the guise of many faces, gaining friends and contacts with positions and knowledge crucial to the unit's success. That success comes at a price however, and none knows the burden he bears from day to day. Friends and comrades are betrayed or killed as casualties of this shadow war more often than anyone would like to admit, and yet he stands tall, strong in his convictions and ever so loyal to his clan.

There is more man than loyal servant in his being however, as the inner workings of his mind allow him to turn his emotions on and off at the flip of a switch. The least social of the group, he has been accepted through the good graces of his friends, though they still fail to know his true nature.

He was not always like this. Once a socially active and emotionally dominated individual, the events of his second right of passage echo through his mind like waves in an ocean. What happened to this man to make him the machine he is today?

This is his story. This is Julian's Song.

* * *

**PROLOGUE**

The mist of his breath caught in his vision slightly as he tried to control his erratic breathing. The cold was eating into his body slowly, but the adrenaline pumping through his veins kept his blood burning hot. The only thing that mattered was the man walking away from him in the snow, and the gun he raised to point at his head.

Kael Pershaw stopped in his tracks, sensing that the mechwarrior behind him was having second thoughts. His trench coat hung still, telling full the absence of any wind. His head dipped as he spoke from his heart, a metaphorical source of passion that he long thought he had lost. "I know you want to kill me right now…"

Julian blinked twice to keep his vision clear. The pistol in his hand turned to concrete within milliseconds as the heat of the body at his knees dissipated into the cold air. The snow absorbed every sound, making it eerily quiet, though Julian struggled to clear his thoughts as if he were in a crowded stadium. His friend's lungs stopped pumping only seconds ago, as his left hand was still on the man's chest to confirm his presence.

The three of them, on the mountain, alone… it made for one memorable moment, if anyone would ever know about it.


	2. Chapter One: Vengeance

**CHAPTER ONE: VENGEANCE**

**Nineteen months earlier…**

Birds flew in every direction out of the shaken branches of their tree as an omnimech approached it at a respectable pace. The sudden stir of wildlife, visible throughout the canyon ahead forced a disgruntled sigh from Star Commander Lis. For a recon star, it really needed to keep a low profile, especially this close to enemy lines.

The Ice Hellions on Barcella challenged the Jade Falcons there to a trial of possession over a series of ports on the main continent's river, near the Falcon/Hellion border. This would give them a much easier time transporting supplies to their border posts from their spaceport than they already have. The Fifty Third Striker Irregulars were bid for the attack, and batchalled with the entire cluster, forcing the Falcon's 109th Striker Cluster to bid down to just four of its five trinaries for an even match-up. The small campaign itself was pretty grid locked, with only two engagements so far, each side claiming a victory once. Star Commander Lis's reconnaissance star was tasked with mapping out the forward Hellion gathering point to head up a counter-attack. She had a relatively solid unit under her command, being slightly heavy for its role, but effective nonetheless. A _Viper_ C had point, using its active probe to sniff out activity, while she went in second in her _Stormcrow_, supplying the firepower that the anti-infantry _Viper_ lacked. A _Cougar_ B covered her, with a _Fire Falcon/Black Lanner_ team in the rear.

The new recruit, Mechwarrior Julian won his trial for the _Black Lanner_, beating Mechwarrior Derk in hand to hand combat and forcing him into the _Viper_ on point. She thought this Julian was a little wet behind the ears, still spouting basic training rhetoric for simple answers and such, but she had a feeling that his out-of-the-box thinking may come in handy someday instead of causing those irritating comments every fifteen minutes…

"_Star Commander, I noticed a series of sink holes against the dirt walls behind the foliage line. That would be the premier spot for an ambush."_ He contacted her over the comm frequency with another of his observations. None of this was news to her, but she made the call to go through the valley floor and not risk disrupting the higher tree line to announce their arrival. "Noted. But until you figure out a better way to approach our destination undetected, we travel through here. Just stay on Minter's tail and keep our rear secured." The sigh in her voice indicated that she put little weight on his comment, which he should have figured by now anyway.

"_Do not worry, we are almost there anyway. Besides, if we get into the thick of it, we get to flush out their rear anyway."_ Mechwarrior Minter, in the _Fire Falcon_, looked forward to participating in the upcoming battle. His role in the star however, makes him a clean up man, flushing 'mechs out of formation or hiding to let the _Black Lanner_ dispatch. It wasn't the most honorable job, but it was fun for him, because he liked being the fastest player in the game and listening to the reactions of all those who figured out they've been had before getting shot to hell.

Julian just pressed forward, minding his surroundings when Derk lit up on the comm, _"Ah, crap! What the stravag is this?"_ Minter shot forward to get a better view and grouped his weapons up for long-range cover fire when he found the _Viper_ struggling to free its legs from some kind of cluster of vines that managed to wrap around them. _"It looks like the local vegetation has primitive muscle reactions to catching prey,"_ Star Commander Lis explained.

"You mean like Venus Fly Traps?" Minter asked.

"_Something like that,"_ she replied. Minter figured that the prey for those vines must be pretty large for them to wrap up such a large structure, which got his mind going on the wildlife he has seen around here. Derk held still while Lis used her lasers to cut the vines off of him. When freed, he took point again and complained about his situation to himself.

After another kilometer, a new series of valleys opened up, where Lis chose the center one to travel through since it was the quickest way to their destination. The terrain varied more with increasing dips and erratic tree clusters, making it difficult in some spots to navigate correctly. Luckily, her star was highly mobile, and this helped a great deal.

Suddenly, _"Star Commander, my active probe is being jammed…"_ Derk qued in over the comm.

"Mechwarrior," she replied, "stay your course and check all surroundings. Stop after fifteen meters and hold up for the rest of us--" **BLAM!**

Just then several laser beams erupted from the tree line just ahead of the Falcon _Viper_, impacting it with such force that it knocked the omni sideways while a Hellion _Ice Ferret _and _Phantom_ made their way from a sink hole to his right past him toward Star Commander Lis's _Stormcrow_. The Hellion coordination was superb.

The two 'mechs rushed at Lis's 'mech, while only the _Phantom_ fired at it. The Falcon _Cougar_ reacted by lighting both of its PPCs off at the incoming _Ice Ferret_, hitting it with on in the left torso, sending it off course from the direct impact. The return fire was vicious however, showing that the _Cougar_'s first blood did not hamper its spirit any.

"Go! Go! Go! I am hanging left to plug up that hole over there!" Minter shouted as his _Fire Falcon_ launched forward with amazing speed over the rough terrain toward an opening in the tree line to their left. His arrival was met with a Hellion _Stormcrow_ which missed its first volley of laser fire, but definitely alerted its presence to Minter in the most hostile of ways.

Julian started moving to the left to try and cover Minter from any other incoming fire, despite the fact that the Hellions have only engaged each Falcon unit one on one, keeping Zellbrigen and the opportunity for the Falcons to concentrate fire at bay, since they had to observe it if the enemy did. After several meters, his sensors picked up movement to his right, and he turned his head to observe the oncoming threat. A _Linebacker_ crashed through the tree line right out of a sinkhole to light both of its PPCs at Julian's 'mech. He dodged left as his _Black Lanner_ made full use of its speed and he banked off of the terrain to make a dash at the incoming Hellion. Both of his missile launchers lit off and he punched a large laser bolt right into the center torso of his opponent, but it was more luck than skill as he was concentrating on avoiding hitting the thing due to the speed of his charge.

He threw the right of his machine around to miss the _Linebacker_ by mere meters and continued on for some kind of cover to turn around in. His back was pelted with a short range missile volley and another PPC managed to hit him in the right rear torso, sending his running balance out of whack just long enough for his left foot to miss the ground near a sink hole drop off in the valley junction, causing him to lose his footing and fall sideways into the hole.

"_This guy is all over me!"_

"_Star Commander! I have enemy contact on your seven!" _

"_My ejection seat is screwed! I am charging--!"** CRASH!**_

The radio chatter on his side showed his unit faring pretty badly as he stood up in the sinkhole that caused him to drop out of combat for a few moments. Eagerly looking around, he found no sign of the _Linebacker_ that shot him up, and his damage reports reflected the most recent barrage as a very successful one on the part of his opponent. Luckily, his armor was still in tact, if not very thick in some parts anymore. Suddenly, several missiles hit the ground to the left of his hole, blowing the trunks of several trees out and forming a wall of flame that he would rather not have to pass through to regroup with his unit. The only option was to work his way around the fire and down the next valley to meet up with them on the far side. Without hesitation he moved his machine out of the hole and down the next valley, looking out for both his Ice Hellion adversary and a workable piece of land to connect him to the combat occurring just hundreds of meters away.

"_Derk, your six! He is in the sink hole--!"_

_**CRASH!** "Star Commander, I lost most of my weapons! I am going to close range with my machine guns if you do not retreat…!"_

"_There is no retreat Mechwarrior. We go – bzzt!"_

Just when he thought he saw a viable path, the Hellion _Linebacker_ found him and pressed the charge. Julian's only option was to move right, into heavy foliage and lose him to later gain the terrain advantage, or turn around and face the heavier machine head on and risk losing outright. He made his split second decision and moved right into the tree line. Several of the Hellion's shots rang wide and blew some of the forest around him to shreds, but he was protected for the moment. Frantically looking for a space large enough to turn around and bring his weapons to bear, he stepped onto what looked like solid ground covered in plants and fell into a hidden hole infested with insects and dead plant matter. The sudden stop in his movement left him vulnerable to the enemy behind him, who wasted no time lighting his PPCs off at him. Each one rang a direct hit and his sensors cried out for attention as several areas reported armor breach and critical hits. Turning his torso around and deciding he was not going to go out like a helpless surat, Julian lit off all his weapons at once at his opponent, but they all missed wide as his arms were entwined also.

His heat levels rose, but that was the least of his concern as he tried to move his right leg. It was… stuck! Bending his torso down to get a better visual of this hole, he found that those entrapping vines found a way around the bottom portion of his 'mech and were not giving him the opportunity to leave.

"_Command! This is Star Commander Lis. We have mass casualties in our forward route! It was an ambush! Send support units to my last designated nav point--"_ Static filled the comm lines. Julian could tell from the radio silence that his whole unit was wiped out, and he was to be next if he did not find a way out of this damn hole.

Right when he started pumping his legs to loosen the grip of the vines, the _Linebacker_ appeared over the hole and commenced firing on Julian's machine. He was going to return fire in a desperate attempt at crippling the Hellion warrior, but before he knew it, his auto-eject kicked in and sent him soaring above the valley in his command couch. Below, the LRM ammo explosion tore his left torso away from the main structure of his 'mech and bathed the area in yellow light as the sound wave made it to his ejection seat. He was defeated, along with his unit.

* * *

Julian landed three hundred meters away from his downed 'mech. It was a rough landing to say the least, but he was so pissed that nothing could have bothered him more than the fate of his unit. _Those Stravags! I cannot believe they ambushed us! Those dishonorable freebirth bastards! How can they justify this crap? _He kept trying to raise someone on his comm, but nothing came back. The signal was here, but no one was responding. _Dead. They are all dead. _

Just out of basic training, Julian still adhered to the doctrine taught in the Jade Falcon combat tactics courses. A small segment did concentrate on adversive tactics to tackle unorthodox enemies, namely the Inner Sphere forces they encountered in the occupation zone, but most of it showcased Zellbrigen and the straightforward nature of combat. His star was to locate the enemy encampment, and his support stars were to challenge that encampment and fight a trial for the unit's resources. His own ignorance to the ways of war disturbed him most, as he saw the logic in the Hellion's tactics. He also recognized how they did not concentrate fire, only alleviating that much more of his argument. The Falcons were beat, and there was not much to be said about it. For some reason though, with this being Julian's first combat, he felt cheated a warrior's battle. His entire first unit was killed in mere minutes. _This is not right…_ He was pissed, and nothing he knew of other than the utter destruction of that Hellion unit would calm him down.

Luckily for him, the Hellion _Linebacker_ found its way to his landing site, providing him the opportunity he so craved. _Firing on a captive unit! I was stuck in a hole!_ Irrational thoughts surged through his head as his need for vengeance grew hotter and hotter by the moment.

Julian lit his rescue flare off and set it in his seat before running and climbing a tree several meters away. The flair looked very out of place as it stood, straight up against the back of his seat. The _Linebacker_ approached and addressed the situation with its loudspeaker, _"Jade Falcon pilot, your unit was defeated. Come out now and I will spare your life in exchange for your service to my clan."_

_Service to his clan!_ Julian felt outraged. He wanted nothing to do with that clan after the day's events. He was only thinking about one thing right now…

The _Linebacker_ looked around and surveyed the area. After two passes, it stopped and the pilot dismounted. Julian waited patiently in his tree. The Hellion Mechwarrior approached the chair with a sense of caution, his side arm up and ready for action at any moment. He inspected the chair and radioed his unit, "Star Commander, the Falcon took off on foot. His 'mech is behind me in a sinkhole ready for salvage. Awaiting orders…"

He then put his hand to his ear to further secure the ear bud relaying the Star Commander's reply transmission. Julian prepared himself, leaving his side arm in his holster, savoring the weight of his combat knife: his new best friend. The world turned dark as the only visible detail remaining was the Hellion pilot. The sounds of life around him silenced as his prey's voice boomed over everything. Julian lurched from his tree at the pilot, landing behind him, and turning his world to red.

* * *

Kael Pershaw landed on Barcella a week prior to upgrade several of the Falcon computer systems in the area to track certain data to be collected in his Clan Watch. Normally his techs did the work unsupervised, but he needed to travel a bit, as his office, albeit, the entire planet of Ironhold was eating away at his nerves. Besides, he wanted a personal look at how his installations were running.

He heard the day's reports on the Falcon/Hellion trial and commandeered the nearest transport VTOL he could find. The latest transmission caught from the Ice Hellions reported a lone Jade Falcon warrior approaching the Hellion camp on foot in a tattered uniform stained in blood. It was forty kilometers from the site of today's battle.

His security staff clung to his sides like permanent fixtures as he traveled from the VTOL's landing pad to the command structure. Since this was a diplomatic visit, he knew the Ice Hellion's would honor his presence and not attack him. The clans had this going for them at least.

He met with the station commander at the end of the landing pad, decked out in full service dress to greet the Grand Council Loremaster and highly distinguished officer of the Jade Falcon command structure. Kael was not known for his social skills, which showed profusely in his interaction.

"I believe you have a prisoner for me." Kael began as the Ice Hellion commander extended his hand in greeting.

"You are lucky he has not been killed yet. After the mess he made after the battle, my men are calling for action. I have postponed several circles of equals waiting for you." The Ice Hellion commander rescinded his hand after Kael failed to notice it and walked past him.

"If I cannot get from him what I want, he is yours to deal with. I want a personal accounting of his actions from his own mouth first." Kael read the after action report sent to him when he notified the Hellion commander of his visit back at the Falcon headquarters. He was just overseeing the day's trial when wind of this caught his ears. He was intrigued to say the least…

"I have not agreed to his release yet. Anyway, we have tried interrogating him to no effect. He sustained some kind of post-battle trauma. You will be informing us of your findings?" The Hellion commander displayed his negotiation skills as a last resort, after niceties and formal introductions failed.

"Terms of his release will be negotiated in a date appointed by my staff. If you do not agree with this, I challenge you to refute it and set terms of your own."

Getting angry at the fact that Kael plans to completely take advantage of him in his own base, the Hellion commander responded in kind, "I do not think you understand. This prisoner is to be tried for the honorless murder of three of my men. His breach of Zell--" Kael cut him off.

"His actions will be acquitted as of right now commander. I assume you are not but two engagements away from winning your precious marinas, and after that you will be busy absorbing your new resources into your supply lines. If you lose, then you will be busy explaining why you could not take your objectives to command. Either way, this prisoner will just be a thorn in your side the whole time, creating anxiety and conflict when you have an arduous road ahead of you. Do not over-fill your plate commander. That is personal advice that I suggest you take whole-heartedly. I promise his release will bear fruit if he deems himself worthy of return. You do not want me running this trial for the Falcons, quineg?"

"You cannot, the batchall was called by Star Colonel Heston Shu-li. You cannot infringe upon our set arrangement."

"Not in an official manor. But as a mere Star Colonel myself, I can defiantly use my knowledge of your unit to his advantage, as well as "suggest" the follow-up trials for several of your planetary assets. You do not want to drag this out into a planetary campaign, quiaff?"

Infuriated, the Hellion commander thought his options through. A mere Star Colonel threatening to make his trial into a larger campaign, one that his command warned him against due to the lack of resources on that planet, would surely jeopardize his position there. How Kael Pershaw knows this, or just so conveniently played his cards in that direction deeply disturbed him. He made his decision. "You may meet with the prisoner. After that, I will decide the terms of his release."

"As always, your hospitality is appreciated. I will have my terms determined before our next conversation." Kael walked into the detention quarters to find Julian in a chair, surrounded by two Ice Hellion mechwarriors in casual dress. The lone Falcon warrior held a defiant look on his face while the opposing detainers looked like kittens caught trying to eat the bird in the birdcage by their owner.

They immediately left the room while Kael addressed the imprisoned Falcon warrior. He knew his dialogue was being recorded. "Mechwarrior Julian, you have been found guilty of murder and inciting dishonorable actions against non-combatants. These are punishable offenses."

Julian just looked at Kael, not showing any surprise at the entrance of one of the most famed Jade Falcon personalities of all time, "Those are offenses made in the names of our founders. My honor was at stake, as well as the lives of my unit."

"Your unit was beaten in one on one combat between single units. How is this dishonorable?" Kael knew the anguish that was built up in Julian, but also knew that he had no case or defendable reason to act the way he did. Getting him to admit this was a very important step in determining if he was worth saving or not.

"I… they ambushed us. I was fired upon while suspended against my will… their lack of honor in facing us in open combat is reason enough for my actions."

Kael half smiled, though the side of his mouth that raised was under the half that was hidden by the mask. He was right about this one… "You are imprisoned here for your crimes despite your pathetic rebuttal. They have the entire conflict recorded. There is only one way you can leave this planet alive."

Julian looked up with hate in his eyes. Even thought his man represented his clan, he despised the fact that he did not see things the same way he did. "And what is that?"

"Admit your fault to me and me alone, and silently depart this place at my side for reassignment under my command. Any refute on your behalf will result in official punishment from the Hellions, or personal actions on my part…" That last remark threatened Julian more than anything he heard so far tonight. Just the implications of it, the calm demeanor of Kael Pershaw, the hidden meaning…

After several moments of silence, Julian responded bitterly, "Alright." He lifted his eyes to meet Kael's; a look of defeat and deep thought overwhelmed him. "Whatever you want."

* * *

The Hellion pilot's body lay in such an awkward position that its mere appearance seemed satisfying. Julian stabbed the man in his lungs before slitting his throat and following his gaze to the ground. But the rage didn't subside.

After failing to reactivate the _Linebacker_, Julian took the man's radio and realized the unit was going to check up on their lost man sooner or later. _Good…_ he thought as a plan formulated.

Making his way to the access ports on the machine to get to the ammo bins, Julian removed his t-shirt from under his cooling vest and tore it in such a way to double its length. After extracting a single Streak SRM round, he covered his shirt in joint grease and began his work on the missile warhead, constantly looking around to make sure the Hellion unit would not get the jump on him.

Finding a tool set in the cockpit of the 'mech, he used some ingenuative techniques to separate the missile warhead from the propelling rocket, and started dissecting the warhead trigger. He rerouted the test sequence signal that was sent off to the computer five seconds after initiating the system's check test to the receiver for the pressure plate trigger, effectively fooling it to use the test sequence signal as a detonation signal, giving him a five second timer bomb in a sticky pouch.

He needed a distraction though… so he grabbed the reserve electrical wiring stored in the emergency cabinet and went to work on the body on the forest floor killed not but minutes before.

* * *

When Ice Hellion Star Commander Neits approached the downed _Linebacker_, he ordered his units around to secure the area and search for the pilot. The report of his being found prompted him to travel over and take a look, and the image disturbed him greater than he thought it could.

Strapped to the chest of the _Linebacker_ was the pilot, in a spread eagle position with his arms and legs strapped to opposite sides of the upper cockpit exterior with miscellaneous chords and wires. He was disemboweled and with his throat slit, and had his head positioned so it was looking directly out at his unit, eyes open. A Jade Falcon crest was drawn above the pilot on the center torso's main armor plate in the pilot's blood, being two and a half meters tall in its own right. For one reason or another, a very long string of chords tied together attached to a thick, overhanging tree branch and disappeared into the _Linebacker's_ cockpit. This was a message that was heard loud and clear.

Neits watched as one of his units, a _Nova _positioned itself directly in front of the horrific sight to get a better look at it.

"Pan out and find the bastard that did this…" Neits ordered his men. The two on his flanks moved out immediately as the _Nova's _pilot finished his study of his fallen comrade.

Connecting the bare wires needed to run the test sequence on the SRM warhead, Julian climbed through the cockpit opening above the Hellion's displayed pilot and swung the sticky sac connected to a short rope to gain momentum, and released it at the top of the _Nova_. The pilot was so shocked at the site of the Falcon pilot appearing nearly right in front of him and hurling some sheet around that he was rendered speechless.

The sack had a short distance to travel before hitting the top of the _Nova's _cockpit, where it took only another second to detonate, blowing a gaping hole above the pilot and deafening his world. Julian jumped from the _Linebacker _without missing a beat and swung on the chord that he so painstakingly had to climb to attach earlier, and landed right on top of the _Nova_. Luckily, his plan worked and someone did get close enough for him to swing over without being shot to hell in the process.

Neits saw this happen so quickly that he barely had time to react. "Fallon! You have incoming!" But his warning was too little too late. Neits put his crosshairs over the deranged Falcon pilot with the intention of protecting his troop, but realized that Fallon must have just woken up and was jerking his 'mech around in an attempt to dislodge his stowaway. A missed shot would only weaken the 'mech and foul things up further.

Julian's world was in a spin cycle, and he loved it. He then proceeded to regain his balance and managed to swing into the cockpit upside down, surprising the hell out of Fallon, who stared at the face only inches from his with a silent expression. Julian took advantage of the surprise and used it to ram his knife into the man's throat, shooting blood all over the place. From his position, he removed the neural helmet and seat straps containing the bleeding pilot while avoiding his flailing limbs.

He had no time to waste, so he literally hurled the body out of the open hole and donned the neural helmet. This one was not tuned into his head, so a piercing sound and accompanying headache ensued while he gained control of the machine. It looked like it sustained moderate damage from Derk's _Viper_ previously, but not enough to render any part of it inoperable. _Did my unit do that poorly,_ he wondered.

Several medium lasers found their mark on Neits's 'mech as the _Nova _sprung to life and started maneuvering. Neits was not about to let himself be defeated by some rogue, homicidal crusader. He lit the _Nova _up with everything he had without letting his heat levels rise too high. He aimed his stuff at the left arm of the _Nova_, nearly blowing it off the 'mech right away, but it held in there for some reason. The _Nova_ was not holding back too much, alternating lasers at just the right intervals to keep the heat acceptable, like some kind of basic training simulation drill. Then it dawned on Neits… _This guy fights like a rookie! I can take care of this quickly…_ Neits hit some advanced maneuvering and used some tree cover to let him nearly flank the _Nova_, who was just firing away at him. The damage was moderate, but he aimed to finish what he started.

Julian was still firing at the Hellion Star Commander, who was evading pretty damn well. But Julian was not thinking in his normal mindset, so this was a matter best left to superior firepower. Or so he thought… The _Stormcrow_ finally turned to face Julian and lit off several lasers, peppering his _Nova_ and finally disabling his left arm. _Half my weapons! Damnit!_ He continued firing with his right arm as he moved left, trying to circle the _Stormcrow_. His movement was largely a failure though, as Neits just used his cover accordingly and continued his perfectly timed return fire.

The other Ice Hellion units arrived to see the fighting, but were ordered to stand down while Neits did his duel. Zellbrigen was largely left out the window in Julian's mind, and he nearly panicked as the new laser barrage damaged his right arm and forced his machine over onto its back. Nearly weaponless and lying exposed, Julian struggled to get his 'mech up while Neits took the opportunity to let his heat sinks do their work.

Neits watched as the _Nova_ righted itself and stood, slumped over like a wounded dog. It didn't fire and the Ice Hellion thought the other pilot was incapable of firing from his right arm, which nearly hung from its shoulder actuator. Silence ensued for the first moment since Julian appeared from the other 'mech, and it seemed out of place. Neits moved his 'mech several steps closer to the _Nova_, to which he could now see inside the gaping hole in the top of the cockpit. Using the zoom function on his monitor, he found Julian staring at him through the hole, no neural helmet worn, no sign of fear.

Just then the _Nova_ lit its jump jets off and closed the distance between the two warriors. Neits looked up, shaking the image of Julian's hateful face from his mind, and tried to shoot at the gliding machine when he realized what was going to happen…

The two Ice Hellion pilots watched in horror as the _Nova_ landed on the head of their commander's 'mech, smashing the cockpit in with one of its feet and falling into it, sending a wave of shrieking and twisting metallic sounds over them. They knew their commander could not have survived that, but there was doubt in whether the Falcon did. They wanted to make sure.

With bloodcurdling screams and alpha strikes, the two Hellion warriors opened up on the _Nova_ just in time to see the ejection seat light off over the forest. The power of their attack blew the _Nova_ up and out of the wreckage that was the _Stormcrow_, but vengeance literally flew out of their grasps.

* * *

Julian hiked his way forty kilometers through dense forest before he finally saw the lights of an encampment. His navigational skills were at the moment not in full working order in light of the day's events. So he decided it would be a good thing to do a little recon to figure out whose encampment it was before announcing his presence. He got seven hundred meters before hidden sensor arrays picked him up. A VTOL attack craft was immediately dispatched to investigate. He didn't even try to run when he saw the Ice Hellion crest on the side of the craft; it displayed its weapons payload and surrender turned into his only option.

* * *

That was all Kael needed to hear. He took Julian from the Ice Hellion compound and back to base camp with him, much to the resistance of the base commander. Kael assured him that his sacrifice would not be in vain.

* * *

The trial ended with the Ice Hellions winning the marinas, and Kael's concession to the Hellion commander was the relinquishment of twice the naval transport vessels and resources as the original bid incorporated. The Hellion commander was praised by his superiors and is up for a prestigious assignment. Some private communications happened between Kael Pershaw and the camp commander, but no one knew about them or what they entailed. As far as those involved knew, justice was dispensed. 


	3. Chapter Two: Starting Over

**CHAPTER TWO: STARTING OVER**

Julian made his way down the command hallway of his new station on Ironhold to Kael Pershaw's office. He just finished moving into his barracks with minimal belongings. It was like basic training again, but worse in some aspects. The hallway seemed different to him this time compared to the last he was down it. Maybe it was the time of day; maybe it was the sound of Kael's voice, and the impending interaction.

He knocked on the door twice and waited for Kael to give him the okay. After entering the room he snapped to attention and spouted, "Sir, Mechwarrior Julian reports as ordered!" He then waited silently for the usual "At ease," that accompanies it.

Kael not so much as looked up from his papers he was reading. "You begin your training tomorrow at 0500. I would advise you to not tell your bunkmate of any of the training curriculum. He is a Lyran bondsman and should not be privy to any information."

"Sir, if I may ask; what is a Lyra—"

"You will speak only when spoken to, do you understand?" Kael interrupted, lifting his head from his desk and staring Julian in the eyes. Julian promptly shut up.

Kael resumed looking at his papers, "Report to classroom six delta first thing in the morning. Bring your supplies and do _not_ fall asleep. Dismissed."

Julian, still standing at attention froze in the wave of questions washing over him. _What was he training for? Why did he have a bondsman roommate? What was this class on? Class?_

Kael caught him still standing there with a confused look on his face. "I said _dismissed._"

Julian took his queue and did an about face and quietly left the room.

* * *

The next morning he made his way to class 6D, which was really just another office in the same complex, but with only one small desk and an area for the 'instructor'. Julian sat down, feeling awkward being the only one in such a large empty area. It was almost comical if he would stop looking around nervously to think about it. The instructor finally looked up. "Okay, are we all here?"

Julian looked around trying to figure out whom the instructor was addressing. He was the only one there, in the only desk.

"Good. Let us begin. Today, we will start our assessment of the human brain." And with that he lifted a human brain preserved and dried out from behind the desk and onto the area ahead of his books. Julian's eyes widened. He raised his hand for lack of a better thing to do.

"Yes," the instructor replied at Julian.

"Um, sir? Do we not have any diagrams or pictures of the brain to use? Is that necessary?"

The instructor hit a serious tone and spoke directly to Julian. "I brought it here to prove a point. Aside from an indomitable will, the human is only as strong as its operating system. The brain is only flesh and blood. Even with our eugenics programs, trueborn brains do not have any physiological differences with freeborn ones. I will teach you to make your mind immune to everything, and how to make someone else's mind think what you want it to. You will fear no man after this knowing exactly what rests in his head is no different than yours." And with that he threw the brain at Julian, who caught it nervously, not wanting to ruin this crazy whack job's paperweight.

"Do be careful with that. I only have two others."

* * *

The instructor uploaded the nav points into Julian's 'mech for the drill. He didn't even remember the name of the thing he was in. It was some old Star League 'mech used for training that didn't even have weapons mounted to it. The nav points all signified the flat tops of seven pillars rising out of a shallow pool of water.

"Sir, you want me to jump to each of the pillars?" Julian had to ask. He has been in so many ridiculous maneuvering drills that he was almost sick of the sight of a battlemech.

"Yes. The model you are in has been refit with new jump jets. Use them. If you fall into the water, consider your machine unusable and find a way to get the 'mech out in under fifteen minutes," the instructor informed him.

_Another of Kael's pointless drills._ The way these exercises were designed dictated that failure in the primary lesson plan made way for a much harder secondary objective. And if you failed that, you were severely flogged and had a tighter time limit to complete a third one.

"Okay." He had the 'mech brace itself for its first jump, and off he went.

* * *

"Shikin haramitsu daikomyo." Julian repeated after his Sensei. He then bowed and clapped his hands accordingly and resumed his kneeling stance until it was time for him to rise.

Tasaki Sensei now stood and allowed Julian to do the same. They faced each other, and Julian imitated the bow given by his instructor.

"Now, do you believe you can attack me?"

Julian, perplexed by this question, responded, "Yes, I do."

"Then do it, I will stand here and keep my hands behind my back."

"I do not wish to attack an unarmed man."

"Then you obviously wish to disobey your superior. Attack!"

Julian, sketchy at first, decided the most direct route was the best and simply lunged in at Tasaki with a nice elbow maneuver he learned in basic training. Tasaki sidestepped and kicked Julian's rear leg out from under him, to where Tasaki managed to jump and wrap his legs around Julian's neck and choke him out not but moments after slamming into the ground.

When he woke up, Tasaki Sensei stood there and told him to rise. Still dazed, Julian rose and struggled to get his footing, but managed somehow.

"How did I do that?" Tasaki asked.

"… You… I do not know." Julian's head was still spinning.

"You were overconfident. I know more combat techniques than you and used it to my own advantage by appearing to be an easy target. Fighting is 90 mental."

"Actually, you ordered me to attack you—" **WHACK!** Tasaki nailed Julian in the back of the head with his hand hard enough to make his neck sting.

"That is right, I told you to attack me. And you did how? You lunged your entire body in with the intention of bludgeoning my face with your elbow. I defeated you with my toe and my shin. How can I defeat you with those when you used your whole body?"

"I… do not know."

"Then that is something we will find out soon enough."

Tasaki Sensei was a freeborn whom Kael chose to train Julian in the art of Ninpo, most easily described as the art and philosophy of ninjutsu. Tasaki leaned this from his father, who in turn learned it from his father, and so on and so forth. The tradition goes past his ancestor that accompanied General Kerensky on his exodus to the ancient battlegrounds of Terra. Though ninja were not soldiers by trade, war found benefit in their skill since their inception. Now Julian was studying the way of the ninja, and his time could not have been harder.

The day started with stretches, rolls, and break falls on concrete floors, followed by movement drills and intermediate grappling. Throwing and weapon work found its way in by the evening, and the night training ensued after the sun went down.

Tasaki refused to give Julian a rest or any amount of leniency. Needless to say, training found a way to make parts of him hurt that he didn't even know existed. Sensei also refused to speak too much English. Since Kael had Julian enrolled in an alternate language program, he made Japanese the first to be learned. It co-insided with his martial arts training. Next was German, followed by Chinese, then another one or two. Julian lost count with all the stuff he was assimilating day by day.

* * *

Julian turned in after a hard day of training with Tasaki Sensei. He undid his boots and practically landed on his hard bunk. Erwin, his bunkmate looked over from the flat vid he was reading and again, for what seemed like the hundredth time tried to initiate conversation. "Jeez, what was it today?"

Julian has largely kept quiet toward Erwin, the Lyran bondsman that Kael still never explained to him. The fact that Julian still cannot speak to any of his instructors unless spoken to has really left a large hole in whatever lame excuse for a social life he had before. At this point, what did he have to lose? _Get yelled at more? Another flogging? Bring it._

"Stealth maneuvers," he replied with a sigh. The memory of it obviously still fresh in his mind.

"Stealth maneuvers? What the hell made you so tired doing that?"

Julian looked up at him, "I had two buckets over my shoulders with a lead ball and some crushed glass in the bottom. I had to run through some forest without making a noise, and if they caught me…"

"Oh, yeah, I could see that. Getting sick of this yet?"

"Do you even know what I am doing here?"

"Not really, but I see the bruises you come in with, and you have developed a habit of talking in your sleep."

Julian immediately started thinking of the nightmares he's been having lately. They were of him in the middle of a forest clearing, at the end of it the world drops away into nothing. He is covered in blood and surrounded by bodies, all carved up in one way or another. Then one starts to move, just a twitch at first, and then the head rises, followed by the others around it. With its milky white eyes and blue, blood-covered skin, it speaks to him. It speaks his name…

"Aff. I could think of a reason or two why that would happen."

"Aff? You don't have to be so formal here. Relax, man. This is your bunk. Have you ever seen any of your superiors in here?"

"Come to think of it, no. Never." This was something Julian never noticed before. He just figured it was because by the time he entered his bunk, he was too tired to examine the place.

Erwin returned to his book, "So relax."

And Julian did. He slept, though the nightmare returned eventually anyway…

* * *

Julian sat down at a small table in a courtyard during the daytime hours across from Kael Pershaw. Between them was a board with little miniatures on it in a strange, bisymmetrical formation.

Kael started talking without a prompt. "This is the game of chess. Our ancestors played this on Terra before they even learned how to use electricity."

Julian studied the pieces. They were definitely new to him, not one of them resembling a 'mech or battle unit he was familiar with.

Kael continued, "I will teach you the basics of this game, and then we will play once every two days at 1400. The first time you win, you gain the privilege of not having to gain permission to speak if you want to." Julian liked the sound of that. But something worried him, _where is he going with this?_

"The second time you win I will be obligated to answer one question you have for me, no matter what it its."

Julian _really_ liked the sound of that. But choosing just one would take some effort…

"But every time you lose, you will be flogged and have another detail assigned to your daily routine."

_Another detail! _What could he possibly fit into his schedule that didn't take from something else?

"So, if we may begin: this is the Pawn…"

* * *

After examining the pieces and learning how to move them, he played Kael. Kael won in seven moves.

"You may report to room seventeen for your punishment and detail assigning. That is all."

Julian just sat there, more furious than he's been in a long time. He learned this game not but minutes ago and is already being punished for losing to a seasoned veteran? _What kind of crap is that!_

Kael, sensing Julian's lack of movement to fulfill his orders, looked up and seemingly read his mind. "You are angry that I beat you on your first time? That you just learned the rules?"

"Aff," was the only word Julian could get out of his mouth.

"Well, you will _always_ be at a disadvantage in combat. It will be your first time in that particular 'mech, or first battle on a certain planet. Or you will be behind enemy lines and have to assimilate a personality and blend into an enemy population for survival. You have to learn the rules as you play the game. This is a concept that will get you killed if you do not learn it now."

Julian still looked at him, pissed.

Kael stood up and walked away, not giving Julian the satisfaction of a stare down. "Dismissed."

* * *

Two days later, after another session of 'severe physical conditioning' and digging a five hundred meter trench after his usual light's out period, giving him only two hours of sleep between days, he met with Kael again for another game. This time it was in a small, dark, cramped room with a single light bulb and a loud air conditioner buzz. _It was the worst place in the world to play chess,_ Julian thought, _all boxed in with the noise and the light…_

He had trouble concentrating since he had near no sleep. Right away Kael got the jump on him and moved his bishops into good board coverage positions. Julian was defending his king before he knew it.

"You are on the defensive. Get on the offensive." Kael ordered.

After another three moves, Julian was able to finally get a rook across the board, pressuring Kael to move pieces to protect his king. Julian pressed the advantage, and moved more pieces downrange to close in on his prize. He paid extra attention to Kael's ability to protect his king so he could not escape indefinitely every time…

Then, "Checkmate." In just one move, Kael surprisingly moved his queen across the board and mated Julian's king with it, a knight, and a bishop. He never saw it coming.

Julian responded out loud, disbelieving, "But how did I lose? I kept your king under—"

"Well, first off, you spoke without being spoken to. So your punishment is doubled this evening." That comment set Julian's mind into an uproar.

"Secondly, you were so busy pressing the charge that you failed to see that my defensive actions were really setting up my final attack on your king. I predicted your movements and feinted weakness to get your mind off of your own prize."

Julian was too pissed to collect all that was being said to him. He just sat there, mustering the energy needed not to kick this old man's ass.

"You can never win if you are 100 offensive, or 100 defensive. You make your enemy think one thing, and play off of his pieces. Keep your strategy fluid, like water, as Sun Tzu once wrote." Sun Tzu wrote The Art of War, and it was required reading for Julian. To top it off, it was in paper book form, not on a flat-vid. "Always see the battlefield from your point of view and your enemy's, because he may be looking at something you unconsciously choose not to see. Now report to room seventeen and get your new detail assignment from your instructor tomorrow morning."

Julian was pissed! The fact that Kael told him to go _offensive_ and it screwed him was almost the straw that broke the camel's back. How can he take orders and get punished for them? His muscles shook in anticipation of attacking Kael. This had to end… soon. The little room, the bad light above his head, the air conditioner ringing in his ears, the blurred vision from no sleep… it nearly drove him over the edge.

But for the first time, he thought more about it. _Moderation… did he tell me to stay offensive?_ _I did do what I did last time, failed to protect my king…_ He went through his options: hit Kael, or worse, kill him, and reap the punishment from the clan or get worse treatment through his training; or walk out of here now and beat him next time. And next time, look at the board the way he does…

Julian, after several seconds of deep thought, unclenched his fists and rose to leave the room. After he closed the door behind him, Kael actually smiled.

* * *

"So why are you here again? They normally do not bunk bondsmen with trueborn warriors." Julian was already in a conversation with Erwin, but decided to change topics.

"I do a lot of the landscaping and small outside maintenance. My living area was full already, so they moved me here. It was supposed to be a temporary thing, but it's been a hell of a long while, right?"

"You are telling me."

"So what do you do all day?"

Julian, not wanting to give away any pertinent information, told him part of the truth, "I play chess."

"Really?" Erwin asked, laughing. "Chess… huh, it's been a while."

Julian suddenly became interested in this conversation's new direction. "You have played chess before?"

"Sure. I used to play it with my dad all the time."

Julian mentally shuddered from the thought of a father, something extremely prevalent to being a freeborn. To tell you truth, Julian never really encountered freeborns before. Once or twice through his short career, but not growing up in the Sibko, and not in basic.

"You know, I could teach you a thing or two about it if you want. I haven't played in forever."

Julian thought about it for a second, "But we do not have a set. Kael keeps it all in his office."

"Here," Erwin said as he got off his bunk and tore several squares out of a page in the back of Julian's The Art of War book. He drew pictures of classic chess pieces on each slip of paper and set them up on the floor over a grid he drew representing a board. "This'll do for now, but if you can get me a knife and some wood or something, I can make us a set."

"You know how to woodwork?"

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me," Erwin said with a smile.

Then Julian realized it. He really didn't know anything about this man. He's been sleeping in the same room with him for six months now and never really talked to him too much before last week. His curiosity got the best of him. "So… where did you grow up?"

Erwin concentrated on setting the makeshift chess pieces up while explaining his answer. "I grew up on Goatville in the Lyran Alliance. Your clan picked me up as a bondsman in its Coventry campaign and moved me to the homeworlds."

Julian made the first move, "So what was it like there?"

Erwin thought about what he was going to move first… "Mostly mountains and cold climates. My father was a policeman and I worked construction mostly. We didn't have a lot of money, but it we were close to a large city that had a spaceport, so there was plenty of work for me."

"Hmm… sorry. Not too familiar with anything Inner Sphere."

Erwin looked up from the game with a smile, "Well, this is the best way to learn, _quiaff?_"

Julian laughed for the first time since he moved back to Ironhold.

* * *

Tasaki Sensei held his wooden tanto firmly as Julian closed range. The tanto was the knife used in ancient Japan, and was a great training tool. Julian was excelling in unarmed combat all the way up to this point, something Tasaki Sensei felt great pride in, but was careful not to show it. He needed Julian focused on this new aspect of training, the weapons aspect.

Julian lunged in and swiped twice, missing Sensei both times. Tasaki countered with a jab and a parry, both done quickly and efficiently. Julian moved fast too however, and managed to jab at Sensei, and then punch his arm when he moved to dodge, dislodging his weapon from his grasp.

Julian, sensing victory, stepped in for the killing stroke when Tasaki Sensei found his spot to Julian's right quite advantageous and kicked his leg out with the heel of his foot. Tasaki followed it up with a hand grab to Julian's throat and a lock of his weapon's hand, and Julian tapped out.

Standing up, Julian just shook his head.

"What did I do there?" Tasaki asked him.

"You took my leg out from behind. But I thought I had you when you lost your tanto. My right side was not vulnerable--"

"It was not vulnerable until you thrusted with your weapon. You moved too deeply, opening up your entire side. You see, I lured you into making that move by stepping in right and leaving my arm open for you to hit it. When I lost my tanto, you thought you had gained the upper hand and moved foolishly."

Trying to understand it all, Julian spoke up. "You mean, you meant to lost your weapon? In a fight?"

"What is losing a weapon if you win? What is keeping it if you lose? I gave my tanto up to gain the opportunity for the killing stroke. I lost my weapon and you went down, it is as easy as that."

Julian really felt dumb now. He was learning so much with chess and all this that he just left some of the basic principals out of his common thought. "So you lured me in?"

"Aff. Sometimes you have to lose one advantage to gain another. In this case I lost my weapon to gain the advantage of placement, though it can be applied to every encounter."

Julian let it sink it deeply, "Hai. Domo arigato."

Tasaki nodded, "Now, shall we try again?"

* * *

Several mornings later, Julian was briefed that he will no longer be running a monotonous course every morning for his physical training requirement. He was handed a map and told to navigate through a minefield within the allotted time. He was then to reach his appointed destination within another set, over all time before he could shower and prepare for his advanced psychology class.

While on the run, Julian mapped out two attractive routes through the mined area, and naturally chose the easier one. While working his way through, he nearly tripped one that was placed out in some thick, clay-like terrain that mines do not normally make their way into.

_Do not sweat it. It is only a mine…_ Julian systematically worked his way through the de-mining process, one that was planted in his head during basic training not but a year and a half ago. Rewiring a device under your foot was no easy task, but as long as your foot is there, you have all the time in the world. He glanced at his wristwatch, which showed his deadline coming close. He tried to step it up a notch, but realized that he would rather be late and live, then die trying to make it to his point on time. _After all, what is another flogging?_ Sensei taught him a way to displace his mind when in extreme pain, making things normally incapacitating bearable enough to work through. It has helped out exponentially.

Several complications occurred in his wiring when he realized he was spending way too much time on this. Looking at his watch he realized that he misjudged and he was almost out for the mine portion when he heard the engine of an _Ares_ medium tank approaching from around his previous, mine-free path. The thing moved its way toward him as he hurried to finish with his mine. _Just another two splices…_

Then it appeared, and maneuvered its main cannon at him.

_Done!_ He finished and jumped out of the way right as the tank fired its primary weapon. The extended range large laser burned a deep hole in the ground near the deactivated mine just as Julian sprinted down his projected path toward the end of the clearing. The tank fired again and Julian dive-rolled right as he saw the flash of light signifying the weapon's discharge.

Adrenaline racing, Julian made his way from the minefield into some forest, where he used the trees as cover to give him time to plan a new route through the forest region to his destination. The time it would take to make it there was almost one and a half times his originally plotted route, but it was safer.

The _Ares_ followed him most of the way outside the tree line, trying to get a shot off when it could see him, but Julian was relatively safe most of the time. The tricky part was making his way to the complex beyond the short clearing form the forest without the tank cooking him in a runner's stance.

_Use your enemy's confidence against him. Make him do what you want him to do._ Quickly he examined the trees around him and formulated a plan.

The _Ares_ moved around to find a proper line of sight to nail Julian with, and finally found a glimpse of him running in the distance. It fired, missing wide, but letting him know it was on to him. Much to the pilot's surprise, Julian actually ran _closer_ to the tree line near the tank, making several zigzags in his path to out run the machine. The tank fired again, and again, both times missing and hitting trees. The laser itself was searing through the trunks, causing several trees to fall over around Julian. _Good,_ the pilot thought, thinking that the more damage he makes in the forest, the more Julian will move out to relative safety.

The tank moved forward another fifty meters and used its infrared to find Julian hunched over and breathing behind a thick tree trunk, using it to block the tank's line of sight. Moving his targeting reticle over the silhouette of Julian, the pilot squeezed the trigger, discharging the massive weapon as Julian heard it and jumped out from behind the tree into a dive.

The laser blasted the trunk out, forcing it over. What the pilot didn't realize was that the majority of the weight was on the left side of the tree, as the sunlight in this valley hit one side more than the other on a yearly basis. The tree, when separated from its base equally, fell over, right into the tank's drive path to Julian's destination.

Confused and determined, the tank lit off several long-range missile volleys aimed at destroying the tree in front of him, but the wood was so dense, that it made more sense to bore a path with the laser. The laser however, needed time to cool down, so it took slightly longer than he wanted it to.

Julian made a mad dash for his rally point as soon as the tree hit the ground. He heard the explosions behind him as the tank tried to blast its way through, but kept sprinting nonetheless. Blood pumping and heart racing, he heard the tree snap in half as the laser finally separated the trunk in two and the _Ares_ crashed its way through, feverishly looking for its target. By the time it found him, he was already at the complex.

* * *

Julian entered the building to find Kael Pershaw and several guards in there waiting for him. Kael immediately looked at his watch and told him, "You are twelve minutes late."

Julian, totally confused and angry, responded in the only way he knew how, "No kidding. I was unaware that a tank with live ammunition was going to hunt me down if I did not--"

The guard behind Julian swung his baton at the back of Julian's leg, as he was still heavily breathing from his run. "You spoke out of turn, Julian." Kael replied as the baton hit.

Julian collapsed and looked back just in time to see the guard rearing back with his baton to hit him in the face. He simply responded with a boshi ken (thumb strike) to koe (the guard's nerve complex near his groin) and head butted him when he bent over. Then he grabbed the hand holding the baton and threw him over his shoulder, keeping the baton and sending the guard several feet in the air before impacting a wall and landing in a heap. Julian just looked at the other guard with his baton in his hand, fighting stance and intense stare.

Kael stepped forward, completely non-threatened by Julian's battle prowess. The other guard took a step back, not wanting a piece of whatever it was Julian gave to his companion. Kael sighed, "If you are late to an extraction point for whatever reason, you will be stuck on some planet alone and undefended. A tank, a battlemech cluster, it makes no difference. The only way you survive is to adapt and overcome without letting your original objective out of your sight."

Kael walked past a now dumbfounded Julian to leave the building. "Consider this training exercise over. You have another one tomorrow. Report to your station commander for your punishment in failing today's exercise."

Kael then left the complex and headed to his office without looking back.

This is when Julian surprised himself. He smiled. Instead of beating the shit out of these two hopeless guards, he decided that some pain would be just the thing to burn off his rage. He would rather save his energy for Kael himself, if it ever came to that. He coolly looked down at the guard he threw as he slowly lifted himself off the ground and winced at the pain he now felt in several areas at once. He still didn't know what hit him. The look he gave the two men made them shiver, as Julian finally began to understand what he is becoming.

* * *

That day marked the turning point in his training. Soon enough, he got to pilot a _Turkina_ on firing drills, received high marks in his interrogations (which Kael had him perform periodically on random subjects), advanced through his psychology teacher's lesson plan a week ahead of schedule, and graduated several ranks in Ninpo while regularly negotiating the random minefield and live fire exercises he has almost every morning.

Tasaki Sensei even started curbing some of his anger through meditation exercises. Training was now more focused on internal power, with ki exercises and abstract training concepts aimed at improving his state of mind and awareness while keeping his temper in check.

* * *

Kael Pershaw thought deeply about his next move, and then figured Julian has waited long enough. He moved his piece and awaited his opponent's response. The game today was played in Kael's office, on a small table dedicated to the chessboard.

Julian sat quietly, showing none of the tension and confusion he did in his first games against Kael. By now he was deeply familiar with the game, with the help of Erwin and the continual games Kael threw at him. He still did a detail every time he lost, but the physical stress sessions stopped, as they had no effect on him anymore. He was able to block almost all pain, endure any hike without complaint. He was a machine.

Julian had a complete game strategy planned every move, and this one was no different. Well, it was to a degree. This was the first series of moves he had with the same objective, which means Kael was not screwing up his plan turn after turn. But instead of reveling in the fact that he finally had a hidden strategy, he just played it cool and natural.

Julian moved his piece and Kael's eyes lit up momentarily, then sunk back down. He was rather quick to make his next move, possibly insinuating that he had a plan of his own that would come to fruition very soon. _But not soon enough,_ as Julian moved his final piece into place and mated Kael.

He just flowed with it, counting the possibilities of Kael's escape again and again, like he didn't believe it. Every time he came up empty, which seemed almost impossible fourteen months ago when he started here. Looking at Kael, he found the man to just sit back and show acceptance of the game's outcome.

"Congratulations, Julian. You can now speak to me, and all the other instructors at your leisure."

Julian could not believe it. This was like being in the real world again! He could speak to people without being addressed like he was some basic trainee… _No, _he would not let his mind dwell on it. There were so many things he wanted to ask, so many things he wanted to know, but he had to keep his cool. This is a reward given to him by his most hated adversary, and he could not give Kael the satisfaction of breaking down like a little child the moment he received anything good.

But what to say? With all of the things he wanted to say to this man through the last fourteen months, when given the opportunity, he was speechless.

Amazed at his disposition, Julian looked up and found Kael cleaning his pieces up. "You may take the rest of the day off. I will extend your range privileges to include the rec-room and swimming pool, as long as you are in by lights out."

"Sir, I may just go back to my barracks for now. I have much sleep to catch up on."

Kael studied Julian for a second, pinging some little part in the back of his head telling him that he knew about his dealings with Erwin, and that he is being read like an open book right now. But then he realized that he should trust his training. _Stay firm, stay solid._

Kael agreed, "Very well. Your range privileges extend only today though, and they will expire at O' dark hundred."

"Than you, sir." Julian could not believe he just thanked the man he has hated for so long, but this was a happy moment for him. So he just took his thoughts with him and left Kael to his dealings.

* * *

"So then I maneuvered this way and took his feet out from under him. When he landed, I pinned his arm down and stopped my boken just short of his throat. You should have seen it." Julian recounted his victory today over Tasaki Sensei in his kenjutsu training. Erwin eagerly listened.

"I bet he was surprised as hell that you beat him," Erwin replied.

"To tell you the truth, I think he expected it, because he just nodded and smiled."

"Huh, weird…" Erwin trailed off for a moment. "So, things are a lot better since you won your speaking privileges?"

"Aff. Even my psych professor is applauding me on my in-class observations. I was not allowed to make them before, but now, things have changed."

"Julian, do you know yet why you're here getting all this training?"

Julian stopped, caught off guard by the question. "Well, I thought about it a lot at first, but I guess I just figured, if the clan wants me to train, then that is what I will do."

"Hmm… you are much more passive than I thought you were."

Julian just smiled at that, not really knowing how else to reply. He has been but a handful of things in his life, but _passive_ was not one of them.

* * *

In two weeks Julian won his second game of chess against Kael Pershaw. It was another very long game, this one lasting several hours, but he outlasted Kael and made one or two less crucial mistakes. Either way, it was done and it almost seemed natural…

Kael looked up from his board, "Well done. It was a matter of time after I lost my rook to you that you would find a way to exploit it. You have learned much in this game."

Julian looked at Kael, full well knowing what his second victory meant. He was awarded one question to be answered. Sadly enough, Julian didn't really plan on ever winning again, so he didn't have much thought as to what to ask. So the first thing that came into his mind spit out of his mouth, "Kael Pershaw?"

"Yes, Mechwarrior Julian?"

Julian paused, almost contemplating the answer to his own question, "Why me? Why did you go through those lengths to save me on Barcella? I failed my combat and should have been killed. I know that now."

Kael stood up and paced back a little bit, getting a drink from his cabinet. Since he did not drink alcohol, it was full of nutrient filled water and a local fruit juice derived from the growth on this planet. "I heard what the Ice Hellions accused you of on Barcella, and I just happened to be within flying distance. After what they claimed you did, I had to hear it from you myself.

"Under duress, you managed to kill two Hellion mechwarriors with a knife and dispatch their Star Commander with a commandeered 'mech. That is not something to be overlooked."

Julian just listened, gathering every detail.

"You displayed the ability to operate in enemy controlled territory and creatively create and execute original combat strategies. As you can tell, most of our warriors are trained by the books and do not travel far outside the training box we set them in. I thought to myself, if I could tame that rage inside of you and exploit that creative drive you possess at the same time, I could finally have what I have been looking for."

Julian, hanging on Kael's every word asked, "And what have you been looking for?"

With that, Kael looked at Julian straight faced and said, "I agreed to only answer one question for you. That, is another."

Slightly frustrated, Julian realized that he was right, and this was pretty much expected from the man who always seemed to speak in riddles when you needed him to make sense the most.

"Report to my office tomorrow at 0800 for the final stage of your training."

"Aff. I will see you then." Then, hesitantly, Julian left the office and went back to his barracks to tell Erwin the good news. Only that Erwin wasn't there, nor did he return the rest of the night.


	4. Chapter Three: The Mountain

**CHAPTER THREE: THE MOUNTAIN**

The cold wind cut through Julian's coat faster than he expected it to. It was definitely a windy day, hopefully the last one in a while. He stared up at Mt. Joseph on the eastern end of the main Ironhold continent and nearly had to block his eyes off from the blinding glare of the snow-capped trees. Certain faces were extremely steep, while others had winding tree paths.

Kael Pershaw came up behind him in his signature leather trench coat. It was a shade of green so dark, that it almost looked black in some lighting. It definitely matched his personality. "You have passed tests and undergone training in areas no other warrior in the service of our clan has passed before. You are at the peak of your physical and mental development. This is the final step in your training."

Julian just looked at Kael, trying to angle his head so the wind didn't cut directly into his eyes.

"You will climb this mountain to a point designated on your map within the next 72 hours. There you will meet me for further instructions."

Julian spoke up, trying to narrow down the number of questions he had, "Sir, where is my gear?"

"You will go with what is on you. You will have to find your own food, make your own shelters."

Perplexed, Julian stated the obvious, "But sir, I have not received any mountain training…"

"That is what I am here for," Erwin appeared behind him in his own cold weather gear. He had a backpack on and a grin that told Julian that he planned on having fun in the coming days.

Julian just shot back a mild look of confusion to Kael. He had not seen Erwin the night before; all his stuff was removed from the barracks like he had never been there. But here he is now, ready to climb a mountain with him? "Sir?" he asked Kael. "Clarification?"

Kael turned his back and headed back to the VTOL craft that brought them up here. "You have your orders. Good luck."

That last line sent a chill down his spine. _Good luck?_ The fact that Kael said anything close to that would have made him nervous, but he is confident now, albeit, cautious about everything.

"Let's go. We need a strong start in case the weather gets bad up there." Erwin started moving in Julian's direction.

"Do you know what you are doing?"

"Sure. I am an expert mountaineer. I learned to hunt in these things as a child, remember? Here, you'll need this," and Erwin slapped a survival knife in Julian's hand.

Within moments they were off.

* * *

The path they took was up some tree filled areas near the base that lead to an open slope above. They were eventually to climb around the slope on some rocky ledges to another rounding path. It was very strenuous.

Luckily, the snow absorbed most of the sound, so it was rather peaceful, the perfect place for a conversation.

"Hey, Julian. You alright?" Erwin lead the way up, not but ten feet ahead of Julian, who showed no signs of fatigue yet.

"Aff. Why?"

"Well, you seem real… guarded lately. You know, when we first started talking you didn't have enough things to say. But now you're quite, like every comment is calculated or something. I think the chess went to your head."

Julian climbed over a large rock and was keeping pace automatically. "Well, maybe I just do not have as much to say anymore."

"You really surprised me before. I never knew a clanner with such a personality."

Julian rolled his eyes, "That personality should have gotten me killed. Apparently I did not listen to my falconer enough before."

"Aww, c'mon. Don't be like that. Listen, it's all good, I just think Clan warriors do not have enough emotion to make them completely human, and you almost seemed like the exception."

With that Julian caught up and took the bag from Erwin. They were taking turns carrying it. Erwin packed several lengths of rope, a small torch, two towels, and some first aid components.

"We have plenty of emotion. Too much in some cases. I know now that emotion has no place in battle." Julian had no clue where this conversation was heading, but he knew it was going to continue in lieu of anything better to do.

"Maybe, but there is more to life than war."

Julian looked at Erwin with a solid expression on his face, "You were not raised a trueborn warrior. Our lives _are_ war."

Erwin complied as Julian took the lead on the makeshift trail. "Fine. But how do you guys deal with it? No fun, no movies, no going out with the family…"

"We just deal. In the clans, everything is provided. We always have a position, something to do, a place to be. I do not know any other way to live I suppose. What was it like growing up on Goatville?"

"To tell you the truth, we were pretty pent up about you guys invading us the whole time. Sure, the Lyran government kept telling us not to worry, that we will be protected, that you couldn't make your way in that far… but we knew. We knew if the Falcons wanted our planet, nothing would really stop them. Our militia trained endlessly and our news stations reported regularly on their status."

"Wow. Pretty paranoid, huh?

Erwin kicked himself off of a tree trunk for an extra boost up the slope. "I wouldn't say paranoid, but aware. A lot of good it did though, when you guys showed up, we were finished before the fight even started. See, for you guys, if you lose a battle, you become bondsman and are endowed to the victor. The new clan can move you around at will, giving you whatever job it wants, separating you from your family. This bothers the hell out of us."

"But it is honorable to give your all to the clan that defeated you."

"Maybe when you grow up in that system, but not where I come from. Back on Goatville, you fought to the death to defend your family. That was how it was."

"But we are invading to make it safe for everyone. Why does no one see this?"

"What, giving up our free will for security? We didn't survive the succession wars for nothing you know."

Julian strained to look for a foothold with any amount of traction in it to continue. "Exactly my point. How many people died in those wars? And what were those things really about?

"I will tell you what they were about, greed. Here, if you want something, you fight a small trial for it and if you win, it is yours. No civilians get involved, no cities get sieged. The world goes on."

Erwin was still not convinced. "Sure, but that happens how often? And at the expense of individuality. What about following your dreams of travel? Or writing a book? Do you even have authors?"

"Freeborn have more say in their lives than you think. They can apply for transfers, and test up into other jobs, or even higher castes if they qualify. We want the best out of everyone, so everyone in turn becomes more important than mere numbers in a conquest chart--" Just then Julian slipped on a slick piece of mud over rock. He fell on his side and slid over ten feet down until he hit a tree and spun over the edge of the cliff face.

Erwin jumped down headfirst and anchored his feet to some of the tree roots sticking out of the ground, grabbing Julian's outstretched hand and catching him before he fell to his death. There was a 60 foot ravine running down under Julian that lead to some sharp rocks at the bottom, then a steep slope to the base of the mountain. There was no way he would survive a drop from here.

Erwin screamed as he struggled to keep Julian from slipping out of his grip. Julian nearly panicked, but those live fire exercises had really done their work. He unclasped his pack support belt and hurled it over Erwin, lightening his weight and saving the pack in case of his fall. "The gear!" he yelled as it went over Erwin's head.

Looking up, Julian noticed what looked like rope burns around Erwin's wrists between his gloves and coat, something he hasn't seen before since he always seemed to wear long sleeve shirts.

Erwin's bicep started burning with the strain it was under. He made some leeway, but it was Julian who made his way up Erwin for the most part. He was simply not in the physical shape that the clanner was. "Maybe I should have worked out with you a little bit…" Then he grunted and finished pulling Julian to safety.

Julian laughed at the comment and sat on the ledge after Erwin finished pulling him up. They laughed together on that one.

"Maybe we should just agree to disagree on that one, huh?" Erwin was offering a truce with the debate for now.

Julian just looked at him, patted him on the back and smirked.

* * *

Erwin did know everything there was to know about climbing. Now Julian understood why he was paired up with this guy. But still, there had to have been a clanner with this knowledge too…

The next two days were filled with arduous climbing and light conversation. Julian learned a lot about his travel companion and in turn entertained him through the trip.

The next day they found a shack near the objective point to stay in for the night. It was pretty run down, with cracks in the wall joints large enough to get some wind through and a hole in the ceiling in the center, but it was better than nothing. _What luck?_ Julian thought.

Erwin got a fire running and set up watch for the night. He said that these trees could house some large animals in this area, and it was bets to be secure for the night. Julian did not argue, as Erwin had been right about everything so far.

After an hour, Julian lay there realizing that he could not sleep. He noticed several bloodstains on the wall ahead of him, but left his observations to himself.

He finally sat up and asked Erwin about his arm, in his own round about way. "So, have you ever seen combat?"

Erwin, puzzled by this sudden approach, replied, "Why do you ask?"

Julian pointed to his wrist, and memories deep inside Erwin's mind triggered instantly, flooding like a damn burst. The crying children, his men screaming for his help while under fire, the face of his dead father, the fire all around him… "Some. I've been through some crap in my day."

"Care to revisit some of it?" Julian looked pretty bored, but more in tune with the words coming from Erwin's mouth than anything else. Erwin figured, _Why not?_

"When I was a child, the government accused my father of something illegal and surrounded our house."

Julian looked puzzled, "I thought you said your father was a policeman himself…"

"Well, even _they _do things they shouldn't. This is the Inner Sphere, remember? Things get rough sometimes; people do what they have to.

"Anyway," Erwin paused for a second, trying to find a way to describe this story without all the emotional baggage that accompanied it. "They got impatient when he didn't surrender as quickly as they wanted. They raided… my mother hit one of the troops when they tried to subdue her, they hit her back, my father shot at one, they returned fire… it was horrible."

Julian just looked at Erwin, who seemed to hurt at telling the story.

Erwin continued anyway, "That is the first time I ever killed a man. Several, actually. I cleaned out the house and escaped out the back. I never got to say "Good by" to my family, it all happened so fast…"

"Then I drifted for a while. Made money on black market jobs, underground happenings. Lots of bad stuff there. Eventually, I crossed paths with a merc unit, and they didn't care about my past. They hired me into their ranks anyway, and made use of me. And we did what we did until the Clan showed up. After that, I don't know. From what I believe, most of the planet was left untouched. But since I was actually _fighting_ you guys, I was taken as a bondsman afterward, and taken away with several of my friends as well."

Julian listened to the uncomfortable pause that followed. He broke it with a bit of sympathy, "I… do not know what being part of a family is like, but that is rough. At least you survived."

Erwin almost looked angry, "I wasn't the best person back then. Don't feel sorry for me. I largely deserve what I got, and now I am here."

Julian didn't understand, he mentioned nothing of him being a bad person prior, but he could tell that this was a soft spot for him, so he let it be. He tried to catch some sleep before he was tasked with the second shift of night watch. Erwin didn't sleep either when relieved, he just lay there, staring at the same bloodstains that Julian saw earlier.

* * *

The next morning hit and the two men hit the destination point. It was not but a four-hour hike from the shack. A loud explosion occurred on their way up there, and the found out what the noise was as soon as they arrived. The VTOL that was supposed to be there was definitely on time, the problem was, it was in more pieces than it should have been.

Julian signaled for Erwin to move to the left of the clearing and search for any aggressors while he himself moved to the right and cleared out the tree line. It looked like someone shot several missiles at the thing when it tried to land.

After assuring the perimeter was clear, Julian and Erwin searched the flaming wreckage for survivors and material. _What happened here,_ Julian thought. He did not think anyone else was on this mountain with them. Erwin would have surely picked up their trail earlier. _Maybe they are responsible for the blood on the walls in the shack…_ Ideas started formulating, but were broken as soon as he found something worth looking at.

It was a mess of flat-vids, with what looked like archived news records on them. _These things are Inner Sphere newspapers, _he figured out. He read quite a few of them in Kael's classes to identify different political factions and reporting.

He was just about to call for Erwin to share his find when he noticed that they were all on. And the headlines sucked the words out of his mouth: "**_MAN RESPONSIBLE FOR FAMILY MURDER", "THIRD GEURILLA BAND CLEARED OUT TODAY, SEVERAL MISSING"_**, and **_"TERRORIST ACT AT SCHOOL FOILED, CASUALTIES INCURRED"_**. Erwin began approaching Julian in the distance, to which Julian noticed and told him to look over on the other side of the clearing for salvageable items. When Erwin left, he started reading.

Under the first flat-vid article, he saw a picture of a young Erwin, identified by the caption, next to an article that wrote about a juvenile involved with contraband smuggling for local crime lords killing his father in a fit of rage before police raided the house to execute a civil arrest.

The second article spoke of a guerilla band responsible for city raids and militia sabotage suffering casualties at the hands of the planetary police and military forces. It spoke of the battle itself and of how some of the band's leaders escaped before the battle site was secured. A photo of several men in ragged military fatigues and rifles in front of a worn down _Assassin_ 'mech accompanied the photo. One did not have a rifle though; he only had a knife in his hand. Julian zoomed in on the picture to identify the knife when he saw the handle was white ivory with an insignia engraved on the base of the blade, but it was a picture of an old newspaper and he couldn't make it out—

Just then he sensed someone behind him, moving silently. Julian wrapped his hand around his knife and prepared to defend himself when he heard a rustle, forcing him to turn around and face the threat of – an oncoming bear!

Erwin tackled the thing from behind just as it lunged for him, clinging onto its back! The bear instantly swayed in several directions trying to throw him off, but only managed to keep Erwin from stabbing the thing with his own blade.

Julian yelled, "Keep him busy! I have you," and ran at the bear, picking up a thin strip of armor lying amidst the wreckage on the way. He managed to get in close enough and kneecap the occupied bear right before it finally threw Erwin off of him. The hit itself did not seem to hamper the bear's mobility however, as it immediately ran after Erwin, who was scurrying backward on his back to try and get some distance between him and the beast.

Julian saw this and started shouting at the thing, "Over here SURAT! Come and get your meal!" And with that he threw a snowball at the thing's head, gaining its attention and immediately making Julian regret his choice of initiative.

So he ran for it. He ran through the snow, which got deep in some parts and hampered his movement, and skipped across piles of wreckage when he had the chance. He peered over at Erwin, who regained his footing and managed to run to his right, flanking the both of them while tying his knife to that strip of armor with some cord from his bag to make a makeshift spear. The breath from the bear came out in inconsistent huffs, making it look extra menacing as it pursued Julian. His own breath was consistent and even, with him concentrating more on his destination than the closing threat behind.

He caught on to Erwin's plan and moved to the right, closing the distance to a large rock in his friend's running path. Julian stumbled on a piece of wreckage under some snow and fell, instantly bringing the arms of the closing bear down on top of him. He expertly rolled to one side, narrowly avoiding the lethal blow and managed to kip-up and continue his path toward the rock, now with the weight of the bear not but feet behind him.

Erwin reached the rock and climbed it in anticipation of the bear running in front of it when Julian locked his knee momentarily to spin backward in the snow and land on his back, sliding across the ground in front of the rock, forcing the bear to look down at him to track his prey. That is when Erwin jumped, landing on the thing and forcing it down on top of Julian, nearly crushing him on the way down.

Under the thing, it gnashed its teeth and screamed, nearly deafening Julian as its mouth was only inches from his ear. The hot breath of the animal scoured his face as the thing flailed, swinging its face around and smacking Julian in the head with its nose. Its arms pumped for a few moments, swimming in the snow trying to gain a handhold, when it finally stopped, and died.

"This thing weighs a ton! Get it off of me!" Julian tried to yell, but the fur of the bear was so thick that it nearly muffled the noise altogether. The weight was slowly crushing Julian, who was concerned now that it was increasingly hard to breath. That is when one of the bear's arms lifted up, providing an exit point that Julian had to squeeze his way through as Erwin did his best to lift that side of the bear off of him.

After getting up, he noticed the makeshift spear sticking out of the base of the thing's neck where Erwin skewered it on his landing. Julian was just thankful that the knife did not make its way through the body into his own face.

"You okay?" Erwin pulled the knife out of the neck of the bear; the hole left producing steam from the warmth of the bear's blood.

"Aff. That was one hell of a ride."

Erwin smiled, "You are already starting to sound like a spheroid. We make quite the team, eh?"

Julian nodded and smiled in agreement and helped Erwin carry the bear back to the shed, where they stored it while they searched the area for any survivors or salvage.

* * *

That night, Julian and Erwin stripped several pieces of meat from the bear and cooked it for dinner. It was the best meal they've had since they've been on the mountain. The ration packs Erwin packed only lasted a day and a half, and the several small animals they hunted provided minimum nourishment through the rest of the trip.

Julian could not get the images of the newspapers out of his head though. They talked about how well they communicated in a dangerous situation and brought the bear down in one blow, and any other encounters they had with wildlife.

Eventually, Julian saw an opening for something he had been meaning to ask. "Well, we learned to hunt in our sibko training. We were just, what… twelve years old then? The hunting trip was a mess, but they mashed it in between so many other areas of our training, we could not concentrate on it all."

"Twelve, twelve, I cannot remember a whole lot of then."

"You were in school, quiaff? What was that like?" Julian was setting the trap…

"School was pretty boring. I mean, I think at that point it was just a bunch of us kids learning arithmetic and stuff."

"Really? We were already learning combat training then. We took it pretty well, but I thank the Sibko for that. I wonder how off real combat can be for your average twelve year old." And he pulled the noose tight. He noticed Erwin's face tighten, as some kind of memory came back to him. He didn't know what he was thinking about, but he was still wondering about that last headline he read in the flat-vid, the one about school children. He continued anyway as to not look suspicious, "Come to think of it though, not much was surprising to us. We had our entire time there planned out, which left for minimal surprises. I guess the real combat training started when we were fifteen—

"What's wrong?" Julian figured he would finally ask the question before his opportunity ran out on him. "What is it?"

Erwin looked like he didn't know what to say. He just kind of paused and thought.

"Look, if you have something to get out, just let it go. No point in keeping things in now." Julian pushed him just a little. "Okay, what is going through your head? Images?"

"Just stop." Erwin was strong in his words. There was something going on in there. Just when Julian was going to lie down Erwin spoke up, "Children. Smoke. Soldiers. That's what I see."

"Oh, man. What happened?"

"You really want to know?"

Julian stayed silent, waiting for Erwin to continue.

"Just kids. Kids aren't supposed to see those things. I mean, sure, when we grow up maybe, but not then.

"There was this terrorist attack in my hometown a while ago. The terrorists were demanding the release of some of their captured comrades and held the whole school hostage. A few hours in, the leader was having second thoughts. The local militia surrounded it with men and a few 'mechs, the guys knew there was no escape. Until…"

Julian was almost sorry for bringing this up. Erwin seemed to have some difficulty retelling his story.

"One of the men had the idea to light the place on fire. With the children running all over, back to the militia and whatnot, they planned on escaping in the confusion. But the militia finally raided. The fire went off anyway, and the kids…" He finally broke down and struggled to hold back tears. "A lot of them didn't make it. We were scared, the smoke was getting thick, and everyone was screaming around me. You ever smell burning flesh? Children were burning alive as the gas pipes went and the roof started caving in. I had nowhere to go, and the militia finally broke in and filed everyone out. I just couldn't stop thinking about all the ones left behind in there. Everything had gone so wrong. The newspapers reported it as a mass accident, but those of us in there knew what really happened. We found out later that the gas lines made the place completely unstable. It was winter, and the building was not up to code.

"Despite their intentions, those willing to kill only accomplish death. Only those who truly appreciate humanity can make the right decisions. Men panic under stress, and I learned then that human lives should never be used for one's own gain. Just kids…

"Look," he said, looking Julian in the eyes, "I have seen some bad stuff in my life. But no matter how I saw it then, they have only taught me that the only thing worth killing for is humanity. If someone is not willing to do that, then they do not deserve to live, plain and simple."

Julian let that one sit for almost half an hour before speaking up again. "What do we do tomorrow?"

"Well, Kael isn't showing, so we go back. I hope we survive the trip down, we are out of supplies." The tone in his voice told Julian that he really didn't care anymore what came of this trip.

* * *

The next day Julian and Erwin found some ground from the shack they were storing the remainder of their gear in, carving X's in the trees along the way to find their way back, and buried the bear. Erwin had some little ritual or whatever his father taught him that he does with anything he kills. He buries the animal and sets the weapon he used to kill it in the ground above it. He then burns some wood in a circle around it and has a moment of silence.

When asked, Erwin told Julian that it was some old cultural thing his father learned from his father, and that he did not know the origin of it. He did tell him that the blade has already taken a life, and no more blood shall be spilled by it, to honor the creature it sent from this world.

It was way too spiritual for Julian to comprehend. He just figured killing the thing and eating was good enough for them, but then Erwin countered with, "Consider it thanking the thing for feeding us." Though Julian could argue that, he didn't. There was no point. Erwin claimed it was not negotiable and he let it ride.

* * *

On their way back to the shack for the gear, they ran into a clearing where a VTOL approached and landed. Julian and Erwin sank back for cover, but found only Kael Pershaw leaving the craft into the open field in his green trench coat.

Julian and Erwin came out and approached him. Julian was ready to find out what happened to the other craft when Kael just looked at Erwin. "You have not killed him yet?"

Erwin, standing slightly behind Kael retorted, "Not this one. He is special."

"You blatantly disobey orders. Why the sudden change of heart?"

Julian interrupted to figure out what the hell these guys were talking about.

Kael just looked at Julian, "And _you_. After finding the clues I gave you to his past, you still refused to dispense punishment?"

That did not help Julian gain the mental balance he needed, "Clues? You planted those flat-vids for me?"

Erwin looked up in question, "What flat-vids?"

"The ones that tell of your flavorful past," Kael answered. "Collected headlines of your exploits, and those of your men."

Enraged, Erwin vocally exploded at Kael, "What! Why didn't I know about this?"

"Because you always did your _job_ before it came to that. The failure of both of you is disturbing in the least." Kael looked at Julian. "Kill him."

"What?" Julian's world was spinning. _What the hell is going on here?_

"I gave you an order. Kill him and your training is completed."

Erwin interjected, "Don't. Kael is using you. He is setting you up to kill so he knows he has his 'perfect little soldier'. Don't play into his games."

Julian had no clue what to do. The man in front of him saved him from certain death at the hands of the Ice Hellions only to place him boot camp _hell_ and teach him to control himself. The man behind him provided the only source of companionship and real life lessons he so dearly needed through the training process. He saved his life at least twice this trip.

"What games? Have I not taught you the most important lessons you have learned recently? Have I not taught you to tame your emotions?"

"His emotions are what makes him human, Kael." Erwin kept himself in the conversation.

Kael turned an angry face at Erwin; the first show of emotion Julian remembers seeing out of that man yet. "Human? You have killed more people than your average invading clanner, and you speak of being human? How many men have you killed on this mountain alone?"

"Only as many as you sent me up here with," Erwin was angry now. His voice was but a growl.

Kael inhaled deeply, obviously annoyed at the situation. "Very well then. Both of you are expendable."

And with that, a _Spirit_ 'mech crested the slope behind the VTOL and fired its large laser at Erwin, who immediately ran and dove into the tree line when he first saw the thing. Julian acted on instinct, doing the same in the opposite direction. He immediately used his cover from tree to tree to gain some distance from the 'mech, which maneuvered its way through the trees with its speed and lithe chassis.

An SRM volley nailed some tree trunks behind him, but luckily it was only a four launcher if he remembered correctly, and all four hit the foliage between the 'mech and its target.

The large laser went off next to him, burning a tree trunk in half and forcing the top of the heavy tree down right into Julian's running path. He stopped, slid several feet, and managed to backpedal enough to slide behind another tree, which acted as a stop for the falling trunk. But now he was between this fallen trunk and the closing _Spirit_. He quickly climbed the frozen trunk the way Erwin taught him two not but two days ago and managed to make it across a frozen riverbed and into some real dense forest. Everything was either needle trees or leafless plant matter. Either way, the _Spirit_ could see him, but by the time it got to the river bed, Julian had already crossed and the _Spirit_ pilot realized that the ice was thick enough for a man to cross, but not a 35 ton 'mech. It had to find another way around to pursue.

* * *

Julian kept moving, his pace was unprecedented as he knew the _Spirit_ would eventually make its way over there. _That pilot is incredible,_ he thought as he visualized how it maneuvered through the forest earlier. _But no matter, I need to get back to familiar ground._

He kept moving until he suddenly ran across a tree with an X carved into it. Some bark overgrew it as it looked like it was done a while ago, but it was definitely carved into the tree.

He followed the X's along, hoping they would lead him to wherever the person who carved it went when he ran into a dead end. Rocks formed up on three sides of a small clearing, making a small cul-de-sac. He looked around, confused, trying to pick up the trail of where the X's continued, but found none. Looking back at the cul-de-sac at a distance, he realized that the trail led right into it. So he went over and looked around.

Almost immediately he stumbled on something under the snow. He dug a little and found burnt wood. Curious, he followed the wood around and found it to make a large circle. And in the center, lay a knife. The world stood still as Julian pulled the knife from the frozen ground. All sound stopped and the cold disappeared when he found an insignia carved into the base of the blade. It was a horse's head, like the knight piece of a chess set, coincidentally Erwin's most effective player.

Instantly he thought back, as memories cleared in his head, of the knife Erwin pulled from the bear's neck, the blood dripping from the blade. The blood collected into small pockets near the base of the blade, representing the same carving. The very same knife he stuck into the ground at the bear's burial site, the same image visible just above the ground. Julian dropped the knife in his hands and plucked the one Erwin gave him three days ago. It had the same insignia carved into the blade, and he dropped it in horror. The knife hit something hard as it fell, and Julian instinctually dug around the hole the original made to find a Jade Falcon warrior's codex. He realized then and there that he had come up this mountain to die; that the man that had saved his life numerous times was in fact, everything Kael said he was.

Now the question lied, was Kael everything Erwin said he was? Was he really some heartless chess master, playing human pieces in a sick game to watch them kill themselves? Rumors always had it that the man was crazy, past his time, too creepy to have in command of anything. But could he have gone that far?

His thoughts were interrupted as the _Spirit_ made its reintroduction and stomped through the trees behind him. Julian was too pissed to let this light 'mech get in the way of his answers. He wanted them badly, and he wanted them _now_!

Julian shot straight out of the cul-de-sac, in a beeline for the VTOL Kael landed in earlier. He did not dodge the incoming missiles, did not run around the exploding tree trunks. He felt invincible as he ran, faster, harder, meaner than he ever ran before.

Before he knew it, he was surging toward the VTOL, abandoned and sitting serene in the clearing. He jumped inside as the side door was unlocked (standard procedure on minimum man drops in mountainous terrain, as they may return for warmth upon mission failure). He knew he could not rig the engines to have it take off, but he knew exactly how to re-wire the arming system for the weapons.

His fingers burned as the cold instantly ate into them, but he needed them bare to work with the wiring. Another few wires and he would have power routed to them from the auxiliary terminal…

Just then the _Spirit_ crested the slope and entered the clearing, walking straight toward the VTOL, but torso twisting to search the areas around the clearing. It hadn't seen him inside the craft yet.

Julian finished the wiring and waited for the targeting system and the large laser to charge. He got in the gunner's seat and aimed his reticle at the head of the 'mech, waiting for his clear shot to take the thing out before it shot at him. It swayed back and forth, searching for its target as Julian gathered the hatred he had for it and prepared to pull the trigger. He felt it naturally now. He had the 'mech right where he wanted it and had a clean shot…

And then it hit him. He was totally thinking about what he was doing. Eighteen months ago he did this out of bloodthirsty impulse and never thought about what he did. He only saw red. But now, he was in total control. He used to think these thoughts were a weakness, but he knew now that the pilot in the _Spirit_ was just another mechwarrior, taking orders from Kael Pershaw, the same as he was.

And it was then that he decided he was not going to kill his fellow clansmen for the name of some twisted game. He turned his reticle over to the right, at the base of a slope aiming down into the clearing, and waited for the _Spirit_ to get close enough. Then he hit the trigger that patched the gun into the targeting computer and the barrel moved inline with his target.

The laser seared right through several feet of snow and caused an almost instant avalanche onto the _Spirit_, overwhelming it and toppling it over, burying most of it. It didn't stand a chance; the avalanche must've unloaded fifty tons of snow on it in several seconds. He then aimed at the shoulder joints of the stunned 'mech and took them out like a surgeon. Then the hip joint, and the 'machine was useless.

He exited the VTOL and approached the 'mech as the pilot opened the cockpit hatch. A very pissed of Jade Falcon pilot looked at Julian with determined eyes, and unholstered his sidearm. But Julian saw it coming and threw the snowball he already had in his hands at the man's face, which missed, but hit him in the chest so hard that it threw his shot off.

Julian used his adrenaline and his snow moving techniques Tasaki Sensei taught him to close the distance and engage the pilot in hand to hand combat. It was brutal, but quick. Julian could tell the pilot hasn't acclimated to the cold yet, and his hesitant movements reflected that. He took out the back of one of the pilot's knees after getting behind him and put the man in a sleeper hold. The pilot struggled, but he lack of blood flow to the brain combined with the extreme cold did its work, and he was out in seconds.

_He put up a good fight, but I won before we even started,_ he thought to himself. His strategy worked, and that was all he needed.

It was then that he heard a familiar voice behind him. Kael Pershaw watched the entire engagement and waited until now to comment. "You are still alive."

Julian looked back, and seeing Kael's face re-ignited the fire in his blood. "So are you."

Looking slightly annoyed, Kael kept his calm demeanor anyway, "You can go through all this trouble to take out a 'mech pilot, but cannot kill a single man you know you can get close to."

"He is close," Erwin stepped up, putting his knife up to Kael's throat. Julian, even at this distance, could clearly see the crest carved into the base of the blade, and it only propelled his emotions further. "Closer than you think."

"So what will it be Julian," Kael asked, seemingly uninterested with the blade in front of his throat, "have me murdered here, or kill a freeborn spheroid criminal?"

"You are the criminal Kael! You threw hopeless warriors at me, so blind by your rhetoric that they could not survive a single day in the Inner Sphere, just so I could prove to you that they could not live through your little 'test'. But this one… he is too good for that."

Julian just lowered himself, picked up the pilot's sidearm, and aimed at the two men in front of him.

Erwin tried again to convince his friend, "Don't you see? He would have had that pilot kill you, or vice versa. This is no honor here! It is a sham, just a tool to control you!"

"Only the strong survive here--" Kael tried to speak, but the knife suddenly got tighter.

"Shut up! We are the strong ones here! He saw through your little 'game', and is now deciding who he wants to be."

Julian was still silent; secretly wishing this whole situation did not come about.

Erwin continued, "I know what you did on Barcella. You felt it: raw human emotion. You killed those men out of impulse, yes, but you realized you were wrong for it later. There is hope for you, do not ruin it by killing the only one that sees this in you. Embrace your emotions and let them help you make the right decision."

"Right decision? If his emotion ignites your approval of the murder of innocents, then his emotion is flawed. Emotion leads to hate, and hate leads to war. Needless war is what we are fighting against Julian, and I need you to uphold our ideals to fight for our way."

"Emotions are what make us human, Kael."

"Is that what your parents taught you?" Kael retorted at his aggressor.

A fire lit in Erwin's eyes as he tightened his arm to slit Kael's throat. The crack of a bullet and the passing through Erwin's shoulder dominated the clearing. Two more cracks sent rounds through his chest, and he landed in the snow, blood seeping out from under him through his wounds. Kael barely turned to see the Lyran bondsman land, then turned to face the gunman.

Julian was stunned. He finally realized that he was above his own emotions. His own emotions caused him nightmares every night, and through Erwin, he saw what they could do to others. _There is no difference between the brains of us trueborn and those freeborn._ He is vulnerable to the same hate and impulses as the people he wants to liberate.

At that moment, the moment he pulled the trigger, he realized that he would sacrifice the luxury of his own emotions for the betterment of all mankind. Kael knew this, and he showed him the way, just as Erwin showed him that there is a way to turn back from your hate, and that it can revisit you if you are not careful.

Kael began to turn away and walk toward the VTOL like nothing had happened. This is what he wanted to happen, and this is what he got.

Julian went to his dying friend in the snow. "You were going to kill a man out of pure emotion. After all that you have been through, how could you do it again?"

Erwin, coughing up blood, said his last words to his only friend_, "Like I said… I have done some terrible things in my life. I tried… to make good on them, but it was… too little too late. _

"Julian, emotion is a beautiful thing. I died fighting for what I believe in. You have to find out what you believe in and fight for that. Even if it isn't what I… cough cough… believed in, it's the most us humans can do in our lives. Make me proud… in whatever you do…"

Julian looked up at Kael and realized that the decision was his weather to leave this on the mountain or take it to the next level. _How can I deal with killing my friend tomorrow, a month from now, a year…? Is my conviction enough to heal me?_

He wasn't sure, and he knew that if he could not heal, only one thing would balance things out. He raised his gun and aimed it at Kael Pershaw's back as he walked away. Kael stopped, sensing that the mechwarrior behind him was having second thoughts.

Kael just paused, and for the first time in a long time felt a sliver of the pain another was going through. "I know you want to kill me right now…"

The words flowed from Julian's soul effortlessly, "Are we right?"

Kael stopped and stared off into the distance. "That man was a murderer. He killed women and children, even his own parents. Though he tried to straighten up, he lacked the willpower to do so in the end. He blamed society and government for his own weakness, and vengeance overcame him. You succeeded where the others failed. You did what was necessary.

"Yes, we are right. The purest of us loathe the killing of innocents, even out of vengeance. But it is our duty to show that to the world, and even our brothers from time to time. The sacrifice we make within ourselves will benefit all. That much I promise you." After a pause, he continued walking.

Julian lowered his gun, and closed the eyes of his friend, as his life finally extinguished from them.


	5. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

Julian went on to become the first insurgent agent in Kael Pershaw's counter-intelligence unit, the first in the history of the clan. His relationship with Kael Pershaw grew into a mentor-protégé bond, and he performed his duties without question. Time and again, he used his knowledge of the human mind and the instincts instilled through his training to keep the momentum of the unseen in the favor of his clan. The unit's missions were dangerous, but essential in the betterment of all mankind, at least in the eyes of Julian, who later went on to win his Buhallin bloodname.

He learned that Erwin was a criminal in his youth, and killed his father when he tried to convince him to surrender to the police forces of his planet. He then traveled in the underground until he joined a band of anti-government guerilla fighters, to where he rose through the ranks and headed up the mission to convince the government to release their captured brethren. He was the leader of the terrorist team that captured the school on Goatville, and his inexperience and concern for both his men and the children hostages forced him to lose control of the situation, allowing the fires to be set and the lives of no less than 84 pre-adolescents to be killed.

He escaped the school and was captured by the Falcon forces when they did a mountain patrol during their brief occupation. His guerilla band fired upon the patrol 'mechs and were taken in when defeated.

Kael recruited him to incorporate him into his training program. With all social interaction cut off from his subject, he knew the trainee would need to release his tension with another human being eventually. He provided this Lyran mountain-man as a bunkmate to instill a certain level of trust, as he knew a bond would form, if just a small one. He deprived the trainee of mountain survival training for the purpose of the final exercise, where he would depend on the bondsman he already established a bond with for survival. When on the mountain, Erwin was to tell the trainee that he was there to kill him and the trainee had to then kill the man he so relied on to survive the exercise. So far, no warrior has done it. Erwin got the best of all of them.

This lesson was the most important one to learn in Kael's mind. His subject needed to learn to bond with spheroid or other in order to survive without attaching himself to them. He needed to drop all bonds the moment his clan needed him, and above all, needed to be in complete control of his emotions. Truth be told, Kael never expected Julian to survive his training once stationed on Ironhold and failing so helplessly at his initial tests. But time proved him wrong, showing Kael Pershaw himself that he was only human, and nothing can replace the faith in your fellow clansman. Julian was truly his greatest accomplishment.

* * *

Julian watched Kael enter the VTOL after the incident. He then went to the body of his dead friend and buried him on the spot, burning a ring of wood around him and half burying the pistol he used to kill him next to him so that it could never take another life.

After that he picked up the body of the Jade Falcon pilot that he choked out and carried him to the VTOL to leave this mountain. When he sat him upright, he noticed the nametag read, "Thao" and had the Star Commander rank insignia next to it.

Kael said, "He is a trainee, just like you. But he serves a different purpose. He will never understand what you have gone through."

With that, Julian rode the rest of the way to base camp and packed up his things from his bunk. He moved to appropriate living quarters and was reassigned to active duty. His assignment: the 32nd Special Operations Unit, A.K.A. the Nighthawks. He was this incarnation's first official member. Kael informed him that he would never belong to another unit again, which was fine with him; because he was not the same disgraced warrior that transferred here after losing a trial on Barcella, but somebody else. Someone new. He was reborn, though the nightmares still remain.


End file.
